One of the single mothers I mentor shared this beautiful story with me a while ago. Beautiful because that is just what it is ; beautiful!
She had taken her daughter out for Fathers’ Day lunch since she is Mum and Dad all rolled into one.
At the eatery, her daughter had begged for money for data which she obliged. While they were eating, she noticed that her daughter was busy chatting on her phone and she could barely focus on her meal. When it became unbearable, she asked who she was chatting with and why she barely touched her food. “My daughter told me she was chatting with her dad. Sis Lara, she had composed a very lovely poem for him and they were busy sharing love on my bill. I thank God I heeded your counsel on allowing him access. What ######( name edited out) did today would have been very painful had she done it years ago when I was still blowing hot and blocking him from her… “
I’d like for you guys to compare the above story with this.
I had begged this friend to allow a bit of access . She stood her grounds. He left with another lady when she was pregnant.. Bla bla bla. Very painful story. Her son is all grown up and is on campus…. Long story short. He listed his dad on the www, got connected with him and fell in love with his dad. He saved his pocket money and one day, he traveled to go meet his dad!
He used his mother’s money to locate his father! My friend has not recovered from the shock!
I have always been an advocate of access. As long as he/she does not pose any physical, spiritual or emotional threat to the child, as long as his/her environment and by that, I mean the new spouse and kids, do not pose a threat, allow access even if, a little bit.
A father is a father even if he is useless. A mother is one even if she’s worthless. That is why I suppose, the Bible slams it this way “honour your father and your mother that it may be well with you.. ” The Bible did not give a precondition.
See ehn, these kids are growing up every day.
They yearn for their mothers/fathers.
If you block access, they will shock you. In this generation of Internet access, they will locate their missing parent and use your money to not just locate them but to visit and eat rice and turkey with them. That can be very hurtful. I remember my friend, whose son traveled to see his dad, kept saying “aaaah, after all I did for this boy. What does he want that he doesn’t have?” She cried. She was hurt. Very hurt.
I have said it before on my timeline, when it gets messy, leave the kids out of it.
The rules of the game change the moment kids are involved in a relationship gone sour.. You can be estranged FROM each other but you cannot be estranged TO each other the moment children are involved.
You can be separated FROM each other but you cannot be separated TO each other once children are included.
When a home breaks, when a home falls apart, the children don’t have to be the broken pieces.
May God give us wisdom and understanding, amen.
Happy Fathers Day again.